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From: AskBenTaylor
Category: Other stuff
Date: 14 August 2001
Having recently suffered a series of fiascos, erectile disfunction in common parlance, I would be very grateful if you could tell me whether this is due to physiological causes or merely down to ennui?
1) Check that your partner is of the preferred gender. 2) Check that your partner is attractive and keen. 3) A fiasco is very much like insomnia. So if you're too embarrassed to get advice about the problem itself, get advice about insomnia. i.e. don’t keep trying and don’t keep thinking about ‘going to sleep’. Get up and walk around, have a bite to eat. Hot milk sometimes helps. 4) At all accounts change the subject at the time. Don’t –ahem- bang on about it. 5) But do reassure your chosen partner it isn’t them – convincingly. The ‘this has never happened before’ line might boost you - but its unlikely to make them feel specially blessed. Chill and be honest. 6) Ensure that you are rested. If you also have insomnia, you’re fucked. And your partner probably isn’t. 7) Do not try to arouse yourself by fantasy or extreme endeavour. This is likely to have the inverse effect to that desired, and to make you believe you are suffering from terminal ennui. 8) What relieves ennui relieves the body. Laughter, exercise, sleep, companionship, the Simpsons. 9) Imagine how pleasant your life could be if you become permanently dysfunctional. Enjoy!
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